I'm in a funk. Well, at least I think I am. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with not seeing the sun for a while. Do you get down after long periods without sunshine? I never thought I was one of those, because I always tend to use those days productively. Sunshine usually makes me feel guilty for being inside and working, while rainy dark days lift that weight and I can happily continue working without thinking "You should be gardening, or running errands, or something!"
To be fair, my funk has been productive, as I paint-pouted (that's what I call it when I work on something other than my highest priority project) and produced these for one of my other deadlines:
|Three little monster paintings for an auction on Facebook on the Rabbit Hole Artist Collective's page, which will start on the 24th. They're 2x4 inches, 3x3, and 4x4 respectively. So, just little guys.|
I think the real reason is that I got my hopes up. We had a back to back repeat showing of the house last weekend, and I got myself all excited that maybe we'd get a legitimate offer. And then... nothing. It's been total radio silence. I even texted my realtor (I guess they all follow up with one another) and even she hadn't heard anything. I'm going to have to assume that's a no (but, hey universe? I'd love for you to prove me wrong!) So, I felt down about it all again.
I'm feeling the pressure of having my family in multiple places and pieces. I also am feeling the pressure of two teenagers. When one of them is doing well, it's a sure bet that the other isn't. They say a mother is only as happy as her saddest child, and believe me that is the honest truth!
The most recent thing (well, it started when school started) is that my son is being ostracized at school - and out of it - and losing his friends. From what I understand, it has little to do with anything except that the families all know he will eventually be moving, so they have all coordinated to exclude him from things since school started because he isn't worth the investment for their kids if he's just leaving. Even if some of them have been his friends since kindergarten.
It makes my heart hurt, and as a mom I wish I could fix it. I don't know how to do that, though! I don't think I can. Worse yet, his birthday is coming up, and he told me last night he fears that no one will come to his party at all for the same reason. The truth is that I worry about that too, as I think it's a very real possibility (as in 85% chance no one will come, that's how bad it is here. He even met some new kids when school started, but they were quickly told he was moving and they all vanished. And remember, he was sick for three days and even his teachers threw out all his things even though I called him in sick to the school every day.) I think my poor son is going up against another weird culture thing here, and it makes me so angry and feeling helpless at the same time.
I'm trying to think up alternatives for his birthday that don't involve anyone else, maybe go do something fun (not that there is much to do here) but I know deep down he'd really just like a video-game type party with his buddies. It's just not something I can make happen, though if they're all committed to not doing anything with him. I've lost my wand and fairy dust.
In health news, I'm doing well. I've been biking/spinning and eating well. I have skipped the weights though while I waffle around on what to do with only a few bands and dumbbells. There is a silver lining, as my son wants to use a home gym too, so now I have company trying to sift through the options and figure out what we need!