Early New Year

Most people kick off their yearly exercise programs on January 2nd. I normally start fresh with anything on a Sunday (because it's the beginning of the week on my calendars, and Saturday is usually our fun-day, so behaving on Sunday isn't so hard.) But this year, I'm starting today, Saturday December 29th.

I fully confess that I have been in a food spiral for several weeks now. My weight is trying it's best to hit 200lbs, and I'm completely fooded out. I had been exercising, but this past week with the holidays I just threw up my hands and said "forget it!" and took my Fitbit off to make the point even more clear.

Honestly, taking a week off isn't a bad thing. However, there is one major problem with it in my case; I didn't earn it. When I work at healthy living, and it's the hard kind of training that I normally do, I take one week off after a 12-week run. Why? Because your body needs a break if you've been training super-hard. But I haven't been, so I didn't earn this week. Instead of having a nice and relaxing recovery week between Christmas and New Years, I have added just one more week of sloth and gluttony. It's the same as when I don't eat super-clean through the week: I haven't earned my indulgence on Saturday and more, just physically the food doesn't taste as good (when you stay away from the rich stuff, when you finally get some again you need a lot less to be satisfied and it actually does taste better. It's as if eating it all the time simply dulls your senses. It's almost addicting, eating clean and then getting a treat because it tastes so much better that way!)

I haven't earned my holiday behavior. I'm fooded out. I don't feel good. My body aches have returned to levels that most people only have when they are fighting the flu (I'm starting to put some credence behind my doctor suggesting I have Fibromyalgia, but if behaving myself holds most of that in check, I'll be darned if I'm going to go on a pill instead. NO WAY.) It's counter intuitive that I hurt so bad and my stomach is constantly upset to think that I clearly need to go on a long run and eat broccoli, brown rice and chicken, but it's true. Highly annoying, but true. Seriously irritating, but true. Incredibly aggravating, but, well... true.

Yeah, I can see it as a silver lining in that if I was one of those genetically gifted thin-folks who wasn't in pain all the time, I'd probably be lolling on my back and flipping Reese's into the air to catch them with my mouth and thinking about all the things I don't have to do like I do now. But my sleep is affected, my body hurts, my stomach is upset... WHY did I switch to living like this? (more on this later)

So I'm done, and I am getting my act in gear today. I can't get my household in gear because they're still on their holiday, and candy is spilling from every corner, cinnamon rolls are in the fridge, and no one else would think the idea of me putting everything away is a good idea. Fortunately, I'm so over it that I don't care. I'm not tempted. But come January 1st I'll be packing everything up and dumping it into my deep freezer or the trash (my deep freezer is my go to, in order to store the junk away from eyes without throwing it out, and thus save it for Saturdays for everyone.)

I'm done feeling this way. This year, I'm going to put my weight and my health back in its place. Or really, put it wherever it's going to be going forward. I'm not trying to recapture my glory days from when it all worked like clockwork. I'm older now, almost 10 years since it all worked right, and I have to deal with the body I have now and simply find out what "health" looks like when I get there. I'm giving up the past in order to go forward with no idea what it will bring (but I confess that I'm hoping for a WAY smaller butt.)

Today will just be eating right and going outback and skiing (we got snow!!!! Did I tell you?!?! SNOW!!! YAY! The news says it was our first real snowstorm in TWO years, which is insane for Vermont! SNOW!!!)

Tomorrow (my normal Sunday start) I'll be kicking off using P90X for a while, substituting a different yoga (or half of theirs, because 97 minutes is just stupid.) P90X bores the heck out of me, but I need a change. So, I'm committing to that unless I go crazy and have find a different exercise program. I'm also adding a goal to go for a walk every day, not just for me, but because Lily needs to learn to chill out on a leash. I'll also ski as often as I can in my yard. I'm tracking on my Fitbit (link to my profile if you have one and want to be buddies!), and using the Loseit! app on my phone/computer for tracking food, eating BFL style strict (which will be boring as all get out and hard. While you can do a much more interesting BFL style of eating, it's not as strict and I think it needs to be to shock my system back into gear. Sigh.)

I'm weighing in Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and taking the lowest of the three - because that's how my body fluctuates. How much do I need to lose? Well, with my water-bloated self this morning? About 45-50 lbs.  Broken down (and without the water-weight)? about 20 lbs to not be in the "overweight" category for my height according to BMI, and the other 25-30 lbs or so to get to a middle of the range weight where I feel good. It's hard to set aside being completely pissed off at myself that I did this, but I did. I'm furious that I have to be one of those people that have to change things, but I do (let's face it, the few people who don't are descended from freaking unicorns and fairy-dust, because they're so rare.) So, I did this to myself and I'm going to DO THIS now and change things.

I've been off track for almost a year and a half now. It's unbelievable to me, but it's true. I'll delve into why at some later time, but for now? It's enough to make today a good day, and tonight to slip into bed knowing I made the right choices.